This morning I am sitting peacefully in a small cafe close to the city centre of the medieval city of Edinburgh. It's the first of November, the day after Halloween and there is a nostalgic autumn feel in the air of the city. Nostalgia for the summer that has gone, for the memories that were made, for the light that is slowly disappearing along with the long summer days and the heat. It's a beautiful season this one, calling us to dive into its darkness, into reflection and turning inwards. There is something deeply appealing and natural into turning towards the self, becoming one with the season, with the dying leaves and the preparation for the long winter months.
There was a time in my life when I couldn't feel any of the gifts that come as part of being a human on this beautiful, rich planet. I was disconnected from myself and my body. I could not feel life and all the colours and scents it's dressed with. The name of my captor was Anxiety. A captor I experienced day in and day out and so often observe in my clients. Sometimes I have this deep urge to hold them by the hand and say, I know I have been there, I know the torturous feeling, the disconnection, the racing thoughts and every other scary symptom that have you feel so out of control of your own body and mind.
Anxiety is distress, It's trauma, It's a cry for help, it's your body desperately screaming at you to pay attention. It is there to protect you. ANXIETY IS THERE TO PROTECT YOU. No matter how counter intuitive and bizarre that statement might sound. Anxiety is all those young parts of yourself that feel abandoned, alone and so desperate for you to look inwards, pay attention, see them, feel them, love them. It is so closely linked to trauma that most of us would prefer to drink it away, eat it away, scroll down on social media and have sex with it away. It is closely connected to addictive behaviours. There is so much to be said on this topic for it is complicated. So complicated as human nature itself. Today however I will keep it short and say that anxiety is the disconnection from your own body and your essence. Because when you feel you, when you start making that space that you deserve for yourself, anxiety starts to shrink. And you start realising that this was not a monster but an ally all along, a messenger that signalled that your body and your spirit were in so much pain that you had to PAY ATTENTION.
One of my favourite books on this topic is "The wisdom of anxiety" written by Sheryl Paul. It beautifully explains anxiety from a holistic mind/body/spirit perspective which is what I also do in my practice. With respect and love for the human spirit which blooms and shines when it is allowed to be seen and heard.
If you suffer from anxiety like so many other people, don't hesitate to reach out for help and support. You are loved.
